Here's the thing I am VERY successful with online dating, like ridiculously so. Anybody who's online friends with me or on my blog knows that I've pulled massive amounts of women from Facebook and StickAm. But it's not my main source of companionship by far.
So I have a lot of experience when it comes to what works on Facebook and what doesn't. So, after cruising around on Facebook checking up on the world wide mass of peepz, I jotted down a crass list of things that bug me about guys trying to us Facebook as a pickup tool in lieu of real life.
I apologize if your views do not align with mine. But trust me, I know what I'm doing.
1) Have Silly Nicknames with PUA (Pick Up Artist) in the title:
We all know that I may not be the most unbiased source of poetic waxing on the subject of PUA names (because my name is Gareth Jones and I go by Gareth Jones because I sincerely believe in accepting everything you do as a part of who you are and not trying to hide behind anything), but I'll put all that aside to discuss some serious issues here.
Okay, you guys know who Mystery is? Yeah. Are you friends with Mystery on Facebook? No, you're not. You're friends with Erik Von Markovic on Facebook. Moving on. You guys know who Style is? Yeah, him. Are you friends with Style on Facebook? No, you're friends with Neil Strauss. Do you see where I'm going with this? Steve P? AFCAdamLyons?
Yes, there are DEFINITELY some great PUAs that are on Facebook with their recognized names and that is because that's how they're recognized. You could put a trashbag over Mystery and we'd still recognize him, so he can be on Facebook as whatever. Bravo? DJFuji? These are guys that have worked for huge companies and have had the names they operate under for ages. It is simply easier for them to operate their professional business with that name as a landing page. Get it?
This is in no way a dig at guys like that,. They are (generally) great dudes. I am directing this more at the guys who want to build a superhero-like persona to conquer the Internet with. If I make a 'EXPLOSIONMAN PUA!' Facebook and make all my statuses about how I bang tons of girls all the time and give out advice, I won't be succeeding at personal growth, I'll be making a character. This character won't be me, it will be someone succeeding in my place and it will stunt my growth and limit my potential.
My advice: Take your successes and your failures into your real life. This will help you take the change personally, and be more sensitive about how you incorporate pickup into your other life. Yeah, maybe one day some girl will say "Who's this Gareth Jones guy that you're friends with that keeps tagging you in pictures at clubs with girls?" but, by then, you'll have a witty excuse and you'll just isolate and escalate, anyway.
2) Cold-Add Friends of Friends
Holy crap. Go out and meet people. Yeah, sure, you can add girls on Facebook because they look cute and then game them from there; hell, I've done it. It is only since mastering the craft that I've realized that when you start adding randoms on Facebook, it's time to go out into the real world. Cold-add Facebook seduction is an impressive skill, but COMPLETELY unnecessary unless you're in a wheelchair in the mountains of Afghanistan, but even then; get on Plentyoffish, for crying out loud.
Also, DO NOT ADD GIRLS FROM PUAS PROFILES. I do not appreciate it at all when my highschool friends ask me why 'EXPLOSIONMAN PUA' is requesting an add that includes the line 'Tell me three things about you that will interest me, and none of them can be about your looks.' I imagine other professionals don't like it either. Even if they were just girls from the club, I say, 'go get your own'.
However, this REALLY drives me nuts because MY MOM is now under attack by these guys. Come on, dudes. MY MOM??
3) Post Pictures of Themselves Shirtless
Don't.
At the beach? Awesome. At a pool? Awesome. At home in your bathroom? STOP.
4) Post Pictures of Themselves With Randoms
This is a bit tricky, but it involves the ol' intuition, something I've proudly grown over these past few years: When you go out with your camera and take pictures of yourself with the 25 sets you approached, to me; it makes you look like a machine-gunner.
If I think it about your profile, then women will think it, too. There is something to be said about social proofing your Facebook by having pictures with girls, but you ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO mix those with pictures of you leading a fun, interesting life.
Take some pictures of your good sets and then use them as an excuse to get their Facebook, so you can tag them later on. If you get 30 numbers and 30 new friends for the 30 pictures you're uploading, not only are you not making solid, lasting connections with these girls, you're polluting your Facebook with people you don't know!
Now, add pictures of you and your friends hanging out at the arcade or the mall or going on trips; whatever you do! To see pictures of nothing but clubs with different girls makes your potential Facebook targets look at you like someone that doesn't have a steady social circle, and that is REAL social proof!
5) Post Obviously Fake Pictures of Themselves
What? You're so completely terrified of being called out for liking women that ou make a completely separate Facebook for pickup and PUA that you have to use fake pictures?
I've seen guys use pictures of celebrities, cartoons, logo and even girls to mask their anonymity. Seriously guys? Are you that ashamed of who you are and what you want out of life?
6) Talk Smack
Last but not least, the philosophy hat must be put on. You guys all know I'm a very calm and collected person. I'm humble and I try to be as reserved as possible. This is for a number of reasons, but most importantly it's because Buddhism teaches us that "Negative thoughts make negative people."
Every time you post something negative or complain about someone or try to defame or slander ('libel' when it's written, actually) someone, you are making YOURSELF look bad, as well as hurting your own positive outlook. Remember that part of The Game where Style was telling us how talking crap about your friends makes you look like a jackass? It's even true online!
The truth of the matter is that there are some jackasses in the world; Plain and simple. I would love nothing more than for these people to curl up in a collective ball and set fire to themselves, but it's not gonna happen so, rather than let these people thrive on my negative attention (because any press is good press), I choose to ignore them.
Negativity functions in the same way; if you choose to abandon all negativity in your life, all negativity will... DISAPPEAR. The whole point of this PUA stuff is to lead better lives, not to prove how cool we are or how manly we are. It's to improve the quality of ourselves and the people around us. Holy shit, I'm a fucking genius. Hahah.. Anyway, enough from me. I've been drinking too much coffee and cruising Facebook too much.
What are your thoughts?
Voted the Best New Pick Up Artist of 2010, ABCs Of Attraction's Instructor Gareth Jones is known worldwide as a life-changing in-field coach and as the master of phone and text game from his iGame: From Text To Sex program. He can be reached for live coaching or media interviews at 1-888-689-4263.
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